two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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