How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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