dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
