Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
