Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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