Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
