Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize