can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
