Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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