Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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