I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
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Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
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He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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