why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
