whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
