just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
