I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize