You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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