the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
