highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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