I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
