Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
