TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
