I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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