I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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