Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
