; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
