some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
