she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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