I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
