I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
