A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
