Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
