You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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