what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
