.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
