i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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