The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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