I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize