i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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