I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
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Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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