Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
