i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
