Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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