But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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