it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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