yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
