Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
