I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
