I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
