He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
