I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
