...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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