So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
