hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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