i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
