there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
