I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
