Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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