I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I could make wine with my vomit
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
