Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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