why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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