Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
