I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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