i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
