i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My pussy is not your playground.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Drunk is not a location!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
