I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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