Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
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Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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