I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
