My room smells like vodka and shame
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
