I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize