I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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