I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
