If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i barfeds in our rink
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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