There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
