the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
