You're completely useless in the revolution.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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